For most of my life, I’ve been managing health problems, day by day. Both physical and mental. And I’ve been doing a relatively good job, despite worsening illnesses.
Hi! My name’s Kymberly Fergusson, and I’m a chronic pain and illness sufferer (manager) and childhood abuse survivor.
Just like everyone, I have bad days and good ones.
This blog is my way of sharing how I manage to keep going, day by day.
A little history
From the time when I was born, until I was 14, I suffered daily sexual, physical and emotional abuse from my father. It left me with severe post traumatic stress and a variety of health problems.
I started my journey out of the abuse situation at 14 by seeing a social worker, all by myself. Then I got myself fostered and moved out of the toxic family situation at age 17, to focus on completing school.
Throughout my teens and later, I’ve been a regular visitor to doctors and specialists, trying to diagnose the huge range of painful physical illnesses that have disrupted my life.
The ongoing illnesses I’ve been diagnosed with and have had to learn to manage: recurrent cystitis (age 5 onwards), sciatica (age 11), costochondritis and migraines (14), eczema and severe acne (15), depression and PTSD (17), chronic sinusitis and CFS (19), Moreton’s neuromas, Raynaud’s syndrome, fibromyalgia, neuralgia and irritable bowel syndrome (22), bruxism, duplex left kidney and damaged kidneys (23), endometriosis (24), adenomyosis (28), endometriosis of the bowel (36), meniscus tear (37), cervical spine injury to C2 (38), plus a host of more transient illnesses and allergies.
I’ve had 5 laparoscopies for endometriosis, 3 chemically induced menopauses, and tried hundreds of medications and therapies. Anti-cancer medications like Zolodex are not fun, let me tell you!
Over time, I’ve been forced to reduce my working hours to almost nothing as the diseases have worsened.
Focusing on now
It’s easy to beat yourself over the head with the past. With the people who didn’t take you seriously - family, doctors, specialists. With the therapies, operations, treatments and medications that didn’t work. With the jobs you have had to leave. The work left undone. The appointments missed. The people you let down. The time you couldn’t spend doing things you enjoy.
But it doesn’t help you deal with the situation right now.
It’s taken me a long time to get to this point, and I still do beat myself up. Less often than I did.
Right now, I am focusing on getting rid of the adenomyosis. It has become far too painful to manage with medication (Mirena/Visanne).
In February, I will have a hysterectomy. They will clear out any adhesions and endometriosis that have grown back (again) in my pelvis. At the same time, the surgeon will remove the endometriosis that has invaded the bowel. It might be a simple, quick operation, or it may be very complicated, with a bowel resection and colostomy bag.
A ‘Kur’, or health retreat, is planned for my recovery. I’m not allowed to work for several months, just in case the operation is complex and to help with recovery.
I don’t really know what to expect, from either the operation, or the Kur.
I am definitely very anxious.
I try to focus on the positives - at least one problem, the adenomyosis, will be gone for good. The Kur will be a good opportunity to improve my mediocre German skills.
Once recovered, I’ll be able to lie or let my cats curl up on my belly. I’ll have time to read, study, and do some things I’ve been putting off while putting my energy into teaching.
It’s important to focus on now, on the positives, and limit looking back into the past.
It gets you through, day by day.